Million Dollar Lawsuit Takes Aim at Alien with T-Shirt Cannon

by Matt Topolski

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A woman is suing the Houston Astros for more than $1 million, claiming her finger was broken last year when she was hit by a shirt from the T-shirt cannon fired at close range by Orbit, the Astros mascot.

Jennifer Harughty of Houston, alleges that her left index finger was shattered on July 8, 2018, when she was hit by a shirt from the cannon used at nearly every Astros’ home game. Harughty, says she has had two surgeries on her finger with medical bills at roughly $15,000.00. As a reminder, her attorney is asking for a million. Not $15k, not $30k, not $100k… one million.

Harughty filed a lawsuit against the Astros on Monday, alleging the organization was negligent, failed to warn fans about the risk associated with the cannon, didn’t properly train staff on the equipment and failed to enact policies to ensure fans’ safety.

But let’s see what the fans have been saying about Jennifer’s million dollar complaint.

There’s a future trending hashtag if this goes to a jury.
We’ve got a skeptic in the building.
There’s no evidence to suggest she was drinking at the game Mr. Cat person.

When reached for comment the illegal alien‘s employer said, “The Astros are aware of the lawsuit with allegations regarding Orbit’s t-shirt launcher,” the team said in a statement. “We do not agree with the allegations. The Astros will continue to use fan popular t-shirt launchers during games. As this is an ongoing legal matter, we will have no further comment on this matter.”

Harughty said in the suit that she wants to be compensated for mental anguish, lost opportunity, lost enjoyment of life and lost earnings. Suggestion Jennifer, if you don’t want to compound the loss of enjoyment, stay off of twitter.

Suits by fans injured at baseball games are tough for plaintiffs due to Major League Baseball’s ticket disclaimer. Next time you attend your local ballpark flip the paper ticket over, it clearly states the bearer of the ticket assumes all risk and dangers incidental to the game and releases the team and Major League Baseball from liability.