Chris Davis the Elseworld DiMaggio

by Matt Topolski

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Since 1941, baseball legend and Yankee’s hero, Joe DiMaggio has stood alone in pantheon of Major League history for having strung together 56 consecutive games with a hit – a remarkable accomplishment unmatched by his peers. Since ’41, few hitters have ever extended their consecutive game hitting streak beyond 30 games. Those names have included greats like Willie Keeler (45), Pete Rose (44), Bill Dahlen (42), George Sisler (41), Ty Cobb (40), Paul Molitor (39), and most recently, Jimmy Rollins (38).

Image Courtesy of Forbes.

But what if in a parallel universe, a new generation of baseball fans were witnessing the second coming of DiMaggio – just in reverse? Well if you’re a fan of elseworlds, then you’re in luck. Enter Chris Davis of the Baltimore Orioles, who is fast replacing Edgar Allan Poe as Baltimore’s most depressed figure.

Poe in his grunge phase.

The Orioles’ first baseman has gone longer without a hit than any position player in MLB history and his .168 batting average last year marks the worst single-season average in MLB history among qualified players.

Davis is now hitless in his last 49 at-bats, passing the previous hitless feat that was held by former Dodgers’ infielder Eugenio Vélez, who ended his big-league on an 0-for-46 funk dating from June 20, 2010 to Sept. 28, 2011.

“Hey Google, what’s the opposite for slugger? “

“… SEARCHING … Here’s what I found on the web for the opposite of slugger…”

actual screenshot of search results.

Davis was kept out of the lineup for a second straight day with Orioles Manager, Brandon Hyde commenting, “He (Davis) had another good workday on the field today, him and Don out there the last couple days doing some drills,” Hyde continued, “I watched the one today. I thought it was really, really good. Giving CD another day off, and probably back in there tomorrow.”

While Orioles fans hope Hyde was just being kind in his prediction, compulsive gamblers who live for prop betting will be selling their souls or taking out a third mortgage on Davis hitting the elseworld DiMaggio mark of 0 for 56. It’s compelling stuff, inspiring weekend warriors and corporate softball MVPs across the country to step up to the batrack at their local single and double A teams. And why not? For example, if you hit an RBI single with your wife two months before Davis’ last major league hit, you’d be a father today. Attention Weekend Warriors: TAKE THOSE ODDS.

Davis hasn’t had a: run scored since September 18, 2018, a hit since September 14, 2018, an RBI since September 4, 2018, a home run since August 24, 2018, a road home run since July 20, 2018 and batting average above .186 since October 1, 2017. Oh and by the way, The Baltimore Orioles still owe him $92 million. The Orioles are giving away winning lottery tickets!

If Davis makes it to the coveted -56 number then it could mark confirmation that the Mandela Effect does in fact exist. Which if true, means that somewhere in another universe the tuck rule never happened, Bonds on Bonds wasn’t cancelled after just 10 episodes and Marilyn Monroe actually married a bus driver from Brooklyn instead of the Yankee Clipper in 1954.