The Masters: For Dummies and Degenerate Gamblers

By Chad Cooper

Twitter @thechadcooper

I’m horrible at golf, so are most people. My swing is a mixture between Charles Barkley’s broken effort and that of Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate’s first pitch fiasco in 2009.

Golfing is hard. It sucks. It’s boring. So let’s watch The Masters from now through Sunday.


John Daly pictured here (Photo Credit Fox News) officially released the alcoholic version of the ‘Arnold Palmer’ in 2017.

The Masters is the Super Bowl, WrestleMania, Kentucky Derby, World Cup rolled into one. The Masters is played at Augusta National Golf Course, which is a private club so morons like us can’t drink beer and drive the cart on the fairways and greens.

Phil will be there too. Whipping out $100s and everything.

It’s the smallest field of the four PGA Major Tournaments. The only way to play in The Masters is to be invited. There’s a long list of qualifications, so it’s basically the best of the best, meaning 81 players in the 83rd edition.

If you win, you get about $2 million, which is cool and all, but you also to get put on the fancy green jacket for winners-and-members only. The previous year’s Masters’ winner actually puts the jacket on for you. Even cooler, you also have the honor of choosing the menu for the Masters’ Champion Dinner the next year. Telling you right now, it’s Chicken Fried Steak and cream-style corn for you people, if I win.

Tiger Tiger Woods, ya’ll. Yep. He is playing.

Credit USA Today.

Every degenerate, including me, loves to bet on anything. The Masters takes a ton of action from sportsbooks, local bookies as well as your favorite DFS site.

So whom are you going to bet?

According to, here is a list of the Top 10:

Rory McIlroy +700
Dustin Johnson +1000
Justin Rose +1400
Tiger Woods +1400
Jon Rahm +1600
Jordan Spieth +1800
Justin Thomas +1800
Rickie Fowler +1800
Francesco Molinari +2200
Brooks Koepka +2500

Tiger, at 43 years old, is ranked No. 12 in the world and is looking for his first Major win since 2008. He has four green jackets in his closet, among other things, and CBS would love to have him in contention on the final day on Sunday. I’m staying away.

Houston’s own Patrick Reed became a household name last year winning at 50-1 odds, and he is currently at 60-1 to win it all.

What has happened to Jordan Spieth? Well, for starters, he graduated from the University of Texas. JK (not really). Everyone was ready to give him the “Greatest Golfer in the World” title in 2015 after winning The Masters, U.S. Open and U.S. Tour Championship all in the same year. He hasn’t finished in the Top 20 in his last 15 or so tournaments. Spieth does seem to play well here, but I’m out.

Rory McIlory, Dustin Johnson, and Justin Rose all are deserving of chalky odds, but my pick – Brooks Koepka.

ST LOUIS, MO – AUGUST 12: Brooks Koepka of the United States poses with the Wanamaker Trophy on the 18th green after winning the 2018 PGA Championship with a score of -16 at Bellerive Country Club on August 12, 2018 in St Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images)

The dude is only 28 and has won three of the last six Majors played. He hasn’t done well in his last three tournaments, but the dude has lost 24 lbs. and is ready to shine again.

A few other choices to consider, for no reason other than I like the guy’s name are Bryson DeChambeau, Paul Casey, Francesco Mollinari, Matt Kuchar, Tony Finau, and Hideki Matsuyama.