The NBA Finals Sh*t Show

By Chad Cooper

Twitter @thechadcooper

The 2019 NBA Finals has been a shit show. No, really. The once untouchable Golden State Warriors have seemed to have misplaced their lucky horseshoe and replaced it with a voodoo doll, which curses the team with some sort of injury spell. 

The finals have been hard to watch. In fact, the only Canadian team in the NBA leads the best-of-7 series 2-1 after a 123-109 win in Oakland in Game 3.

Only 13.1 million viewers tuned in for Game 3 – a 26% decrease from last year’s Game 3 – and the lowest watched Game 3 since 2007. 

The entire series has been a mess since Game 1.

Kevin Durant continues to be sidelined with a “calf strain” and who knows at this point if he even plays or not. My bet is that he returns when the Warriors have a chance to win the title. 

Despite being a small favorite in Game 1, Toronto upset the Warriors only to see the Warriors return the favor and even the series at 1-1.

The post game fireworks were better than the action on the floor. KD, who remember is hurt, sought out Drake near the lockerroom to verbally spar with the Canadian-born rapper alongside Klay Thompson, who got injured in Game 2 and didn’t play in Game 3…

Game 3 was over before it started.

With Thompson ruled out hours before the game in Oakland, the Raptors jumped on the Warriors and were never threatened.

Steph Curry scored a “quiet” 47 points and no one really mentioned Kawhi Leonard’s 30 points. When it was time for Draymond Green to step up, he shit the bed and to quote the great Ice Cube, he didn’t even mess around and get double-double. 

Most of the interest was what happened off-court.

Enter Jay-Z and Beyonce courtside…The wife of one of the majority owners of the Warriors, Nicole Curran, continued to talk over Beyonce and come to find out, she kept asking “Hova” what he wanted to drink, which pissed off Queen B and cameras were all over it.

Curran has since stated that she has been “cyber bullied” with “death threats” from Queen B’s social media posse. 

Wait, there’s more. 

Warriors’ minority owner Mark Stevens shoved Toronto’s Kyle Lowry during the game and also shouted obscenities (cussed him out in layman’s terms).

The NBA ruled that Stevens would be banned from going to any game for a year and was fined $500K, which probably took him minutes to scrounge up. 

Let’s not forget the weasel himself, Steve Kerr, who “misspoke” before Game 3 when he told us that KD would do some scrimmaging. <insert the incorrect buzzer sound effect>.

KD didn’t not practice and was again ruled out of Game 4. 

“I’m getting asked a million questions every day and so sometimes I might answer something that doesn’t jive perfectly with what the training staff said,” Kerr told the media.  

Fast forward to Game 4, which is Friday night in Oakland.

Thompson is back and the Warriors are -4.5 favorites with an over/under of 215 points. 

Maybe the NBA should allow Stevens to sit courtside again along with Jay-Z and Beyonce. Hell, save a seat for Drake…Maybe more people would tune in. 

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